i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
