Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
