The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
