I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
