Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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