saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
