What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
