My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
