Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
