I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
