He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
