remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I want to be your penis for a week.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
