so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
