just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
