Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
