Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
