we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
