Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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