worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
