Whod you bang
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
