My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
