Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
