There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
