she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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