I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
