It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
