i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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