If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
