drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
