Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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