When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
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