It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need water and some morals
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
