After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
