Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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