Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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