my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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