also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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