Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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