i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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