btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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