I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
