i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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