And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
