his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
