I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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