if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
