People in love make me want to vomit
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
