This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
