epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
