I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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