It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
