Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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